MySpace

This is the bicentennial post. Oooh Ahhhh Ohhhhh...

Listen, I don't mind admitting that I enjoy the occasional browse of Single White Females on MySpace. I'm only slightly embarrassed by this. I'm no chicken hawk and I'm certainly no tranny, so I figure I'm a minority on the site, I'm there to help the demographics.

Actually to be honest, I like looking for people I know, while looking at pictures of hot chicks from my neighborhood..sue me. While were being honest I like looking at photos on Flickr of bands, and cities I've visited. I'm sick, I know I'm me.

But what really is this message about. It's about the crappy things people do on myspace. Actually its more like the criteria I use to eliminate pages to look at.

First of course I put in my physical specs, and then its about gut feeling based on that little photo. That photo, girls, is crucial. Do not post one of your dog. Put that sexy one like all the other girls. We all know its your best one. That accidental web cam shot, or that late night pic at the bar. Of course others live by a completely different mantra. They have the specially designed myspace photo. The one by the fireplace, or in the yard next to the weeping willow. My personal favorite are the stripper shots. Hootchie dress and red lipstick...hair all akimbo...

Once I've navigated the hot from the wannabe's its all about page design and music choice. I've landed on numerous sites that girls have with black backgrounds, spiderwebs, unicorns, pegasus, pentagrams, Gandolf, and you play some of the best AFI garbage. Immediately hit the back button. Or there are the girls, with the boring plain layout and the gawd awful hipity hop beat crushing my speakers. I love the lithe little girls in the bikini with a big ol' drink in her hand and Chingy on her page. UGH. Nothing makes me hit the back button quicker than that....the goth chick has a better chance. Your myspace page ain't the club.

The coup de gras though is the line where the girl lists income. So often I see $150,000 +. Yeah. First this is a line that should never be answered. Second you should give your income, not a desired income from the Mat Kearney fans out there. Third, don't list your real income. I know what a kindergarten teacher makes, and sorry Charlie it is nowhere near $50,000.

I love the girls that put $150,000+. Most are unemployed and have six damn kids photo'ed with them....it kills me that they don't do something about that.

I'll tell you what else bothers me. That Tom guy.


Posters...Jack Johnson
Little Martha...The Allman Brothers Band